The Bedside Notebook (with Guest Post)

I loved snuggly bedtime with my little daughters. With nine years between them, I had the luxury of being able to devote lots of time at the end of the day to each girl when she was tiny. We would always read a story or two, "talk about the day", say prayers, and sing a song while laying on our backs with pillows behind our heads. My girls' favorite bedtime ritual, though, was always the "Favorites" game.

I would lead by saying, "Okay, what's your favoriiiittttte..." and then fill in the blank with things like: Disney movie, cookie flavor, friend on the playground, thing about Daddy, pair of shoes, baby animal... The list was endless, and those precious moments when my little brown-eyed girl would furrow her brow in concentration and twirl her hair around her finger, trying to come up with her perfect answer, will forever be memories that I treasure.

As my younger daughter has charged full-force into teenagehood, I was missing those counted-on nights on her bed when we'd sing and talk and read, side-by-side. I started praying about what I could do to help facilitate regular, deeper conversations.

Enter Julie. (You might remember this lovely friend of mine from a post last year about healthful eating.) Julie is the kind of person who is just plain INSPIRING. We connect on a spiritual level nearly every time we talk, and her brilliant / compassionate nature never fails to leave me wanting to reach higher in every area of my life.

I was telling Julie about my desire with my daughter, and she immediately said, "Let me tell you about the notebook idea. It's working beautifully with my girls." As she started describing this idea, I KNEW I needed to start this with my daughter. Here, I'll let Julie tell you about it in her own words:

"The idea hit me on a Sunday afternoon as I held the remnants of a note, colored in five neon shades, folded into an octagon with the words "I like Carson. Which boy do you like? ____________ (write answer here)" I was instantly transported decades back to days where passed notes under the noses of teachers and posted in lockers were the chosen form of communication. I looked at my four daughtrs. Teetering on the brink of young womanhood, I know some of what the next few years will hold. New discoveries. Self-discovery. Happiness. Despair. Drama. Questions. In that moment, holding the note, I wanted to be a part of it all. I wanted to journey with my girls through their own uncharted waters. I wanted to be the recipient of notes that articulate in writing what i too scary ever to say face to face. I wanted to be the one on the end of the conversations too embarrassing to have with anyone else.

"As these thoughts crossed my mind, so did the solution. A notebook. I purchased four notebooks, put one on the bed of each of my daughters. I took them aside individually and explained that this notebook was to be a tool for each of them to communicate with me. It would be a place where they could write any question, concern or feeling to me without worry about embarrassment or repercussions. I told them the things in the book would stay there. I would answer in writing, but would not bring it up, unless they initiated the conversation. I would check their books every few days to see if there were entries.

"What a treasure these notebooks have become. They have become a ground for compliments, questions, apologies, and explanations. They have covered topics as diverse as religion, the "facts of life", repentance, dinner and stuffed animals. Most of all, they have been a way for me to insure that I get needed downtime to ponder, pray and respond to the needs of my daughters without any knee jerk reaction. The expressions of love and admiration for one another have flowed freely. I hope some day, my daughters will keep these notebooks, and as they thumb through the pages will find answers to questions, tender memories, and mostly, a clear understanding of how much they were loved by their mother."

Isn't this a fabulous idea?? (and so beautifully described by my friend) The flowered notebook that you see above on my daughter's bedside table is the little volume of written conversation that she and I are developing. It is nothing short of a revelation for us, and my heart leaps each time I flip through the pages to find a new note, written to me, with her own insights, questions, and kind words.

How To Be a Soccer Mom

Last night marked the final game for our daughter's high school JV soccer season. Their team was undefeated, despite being made up of girls of different ages who play for different club teams. Huge Kudos to each of the skilled players!!! A Major Nod to their able coach!!! And let's not forget THE PARENTS who are, at this age, the stability and the glue (and the funds, and the transportation...) that allow these young ladies to be successful! Great job to all!!!

Starting immediately, we go our separate ways as the U-15 club season gets underway. I will miss the mothers who now will be cheering on the opposite side of the 50-yard-line from me! All are devoted to their girls, all brought talents to the parents' bleachers ... which got me thinking, what makes a good "soccer mom"?? Last night, I looked around me as the time clock was winding down, and had these thoughts:


Mia's Mom comes with apples and sandwiches and Toblerone and blankets to share in the stands, as well as lots of hugs and compliments for girls and parents alike. Her daughter played on the Varsity team, yet she still attended nearly every JV game to support her daughter's club friends.

Kate's Mom really loves each of the players, and is the first one to volunteer to drive girls anywhere. Her enthusiastic "Good job ______!" flows freely throughout games, and she also hosts team dinners extraordinaire, complete with games and really, really awesome prizes.

Mariah's Mom is always smiling. She has three daughters who each play a variety of sports, and I will occasionally "pick her brain" for advice on "soccer mom-ing" or "basketball mom-ing" or "volleyball mom-ing". She puts her daughters' desires first and is able to work with coaches to ensure that her girls get the life experiences that they want. I really admire this gal and how she seems to effortlessly coordinate a busy family's schedule.

Kaitlyn's Mom uses her bounteous creative talents for the benefit of the team. We parents and players cherish our scarves and hats knit in team colors, and our girls' bedrooms display gorgeous soccer bracelets, teddy bears with knit hats/scarves, and other cool stuff that this mom lovingly creates for the cause.

Lauren's Mom is also the principal of our high school, and brings with her a gift of diplomatic and soothing problem-solving skills. When her daughter was at a crossroads in soccer last year, this mom / daughter had a life-changing conversation that allowed the player to catapult herself to the next skill-level and become one of the secret weapons of her team. This mom is always positive her comments relating to soccer, and is able to easily find the good in even sticky situations.

Kendall's Mom works full-time, has two daughters who play both school and club ball, and somehow manages to make it to nearly every game. Her laugh can be heard down the bleachers and she is just plain fun to be around.

Corina's Mom ... I have noticed that sometimes Corina will leave her group of soccer friends to sit by her mother during the Varsity games. They talk and laugh, sharing snacks and big blankets. This is really something sweet to see, as mother and 14 year-old daughter truly enjoy one another's company.

Casey's Mom willingly jumped in to keep us updated with regular team emails and weekly schedules. She included directions to away games, reminders that most of us would have forgotten, and headed up team dinners and the gift for our team's senior member. I looked forward to her enthusiastic ringing of the cow bell after each of our team's goals!

And me,Camille's Mom?? I asked my daughter last night what makes a good Soccer Mom. She told me to include "trips to Dairy Queen after hot summer practices", "coming to games", "washing (her) uniform", and "be(ing) a 'fly on the wall' while driving the carpool'!" Well, check, check, check, and (hopefully) check on those things. (Truth is, just LISTENING to the girls gab in the car on the way to practice is a GREAT way to find out what's going on in their lives!)

I love being a Soccer Mom! I guess the secret to being a "good one" has less to do with ringing bells and knitting scarves and treating for ice cream than it does with simply being there, being willing to give of your talents -- whatever they are -- to the soccer family, and sharing in the fun (and even defining) moments in a daughter's life. Go Team!!

Unplugging

After my shower this morning, I came downstairs to begin my day. I had done some soul-searching last night after a wonderful talk with my husband, and I felt like I had once again pushed "course correction" on my life's dashboard.

Already written on my legal yellow pad were some notes for the day: lots of To Dos, menus for meals, and ideas / things to think about. Despite all my good intentions, though, I felt myself being pulled magnet-like toward my laptop ("just" to check email and facebook), my TV news channel of choice (what happened in politics overnight??), my cell phone (any texts yet?), and even my Bose radio (local talk radio...).

I had to consciously about-face myself away from these things so I could try to listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost guide my day's beginning efforts. What was needful this morning? How could I put "first things first" and not be bombarded by the world before the clock even struck 7:00am?

After a quick but heartfelt prayer while I stood in my family room, and a remembering of what I was to be about this day, I squashed that addictive pull to all things plugged-in, and returned my list. Oh yeah, here's where I wanted to start:

* I ran back upstairs and hopped on the scale for the first time in a long time. I confronted the dial square-on, no excuses. Another starting point in my continual effort to gain control over this physical body of mine, and then recorded on my yellow pad.

* Next, to the kitchen sink to wash, tear, and salad-spin some wonderful greens for the next few days: a perfect head of Boston lettuce, beautiful red-leaf lettuce, a handful of fresh, chopped parsley and green onions. Spun, into a big Ziploc bag, into the fridge, and ready for future quick salads.

* Beautiful instrumental CD on to welcome the family downstairs for breakfast. Today, slow-simmering Snoqualmie Falls oatmeal with vanilla soymilk, chopped pecans and bananas, and a sprinkle of brown sugar.

* A beginning load of whites into the washing machine.

Thirty minutes of perfect and productive little tasks got my morning off on the right foot ... today! (Yesterday was a completely different story, but happy to say, I'm now moving forward again!!)

...


I read an article recently about most churches' falling attendance, and how some are restructuring their Sunday meetings. They are trying to reappeal to families who feel they don't have time to devote an hour to church on Sundays, or feel like it has lost its relevance, or that it's just plain boring. In order to win back members, some churches are offering shorter, thirty-minute services, or a meeting comprised largely of live rock band music, or of interactive activities for children built-in to the service. According to this article, these things are slowly working and pews are beginning to fill up again.

This really got me thinking: ANY amount of church is a wonderful thing, but are we and our children so busy and plugged-in and entertainment-driven that we are no longer willing to, or capable of, devote(ing) Sunday to the Lord? How have we gone from living the commandment of "keeping the Sabbath day holy" as many of our grandparents did, to an hour of regular Sunday worship, to a quick in-and-out service so that we can get back to our weekend? What are we teaching our children about the value and beauty in worshipping the Lord, of learning to be still for real periods of time so that the Spirit can speak to us, and of sacrificing our immediate wants for something greater? Has our need to be entertained first hurt our abilities to be introspective and quiet and open to being led by a Higher Power?

This is something that all modern families struggle with, I think. I've had many conversations with friends over the years about how to push back the world and remember family togetherness and personal spirituality: family prayer, reading out-loud, playing board games, working on projects, and just plain old talking and laughing together are ideas we have discussed. When my little family makes the effort to do these things, there is a joy that permeates the walls of our home that is nearly tangible, we remember why we love each other so much, and are more cognizant of the blessings of God in our lives. When we don't, stress overtakes, tempers can flare, and we can feel like we're on parallel paths with our loved ones...heading the same general direction, but seperately and uninspired.

Our fourteen year-old daughter is a terrific young lady with many talents and strengths, and she is also, in some ways, a very typical teenager. She loves staying up on friends' lives via Instagram, texting, and Facebook, she's familiar with many of the latest youtube videos, she DVRs her favorite TV shows for future watching, and she loves updating her music playlist on her phone. Her nimble fingers can find her favorite radio station on the car stereo before I have even closed my door. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

It takes a constant and sometimes firm hand, with lots of behind-the-scenes prayers of her father and I, to teach her to embrace the good things in our technology-based world without forgetting the simple things that bring true happiness. Our daughter and her peers get figuratively thrown to the wolves in the public high school every day, and it is vital that they each know who they are, what they stand for, and from where they draw their inner strength, so they can navigate those school halls with confidence and success. This is undoubtedly one of my husband's and my greatest focuses right now.

Things that help keep our family headed in the right direction:

**daily family scripture study
**daily family AND one-on-one conversations
**daily family meals (breakfast AND dinner when possible)
**daily family prayer, morning and evening
**daily homework sessions
**daily household or yard jobs
**regular family FUN!

Obviously, the operative words in the little list above are the words "daily" and "family". The trick is to not let life get too busy that we run out of time to do the important things. And our rule is that cell phones are off-limits for all of us during these sacred family times. We are EACH slowly learning to become more disciplined and selective in our plugging-in to the world, to be more in-tune spiritually, and to better value and safeguard our time together. Some days are better than others, but WE ARE TRYING.

What does your family do to stay focused on things of greatest importance? How do you set guidelines for technology in your home?? If you could offer one or two of your best tips, what would they be???

Simple Applesauce

I was just thumbing through the November 2012 "Runner's World" magazine, and came across a list of the Top 10 fall superfoods. Number one? Apples!

"They're high in cholesterol-lowering soluble fiber. A Japanese study found apples also contain an antioxidant that may protect against muscle injuries -- particularly those caused by downhill running."

Well, I'm not doing a lot of downhill running these days, but I've always felt that the old adage "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" may have some truth to it. I just feel like I'm doing something good for my body when I'm munching on an apple.

Years ago I read that eating a small apple a half-hour before dinner is an easy and healthy diet tip. The fiber-rich fruit fills you up and makes it easier to be satisfied with smaller portions of your regular meal. I think I'm going to give this a try again!

My daughter and I made a big batch of homemade applesauce the other night, and ate it warm from the stove. It was so delicious, easy, and nourishing that I had to share the recipe. This is from our old warped and splattered cookbook called "Kids Cooking" from the Williams-Sonoma Kitchen Library. Give it a try! It's impossible to goof up and your family will love you for it.

Simple Applesauce

4 large apples (any variety - we like to use a couple different kinds)
1 T. fresh lemon juice
1/2 c. water
1/3 c. sugar
1/2 t. cinnamon
a sprinkle of ground cloves

Peel and core apples and chop into large chunks. Put in medium saucepan with remainder of ingredients. Bring to a low boil, then cover with lid and reduce to simmer for 15 minutes. Mash with potato masher to desired consistency. (We like ours a little chunky.) Serve warm, or chill in the refrigerator.

Twenty Words

During our years in San Francisco, I had the opportunity to babysit my friend Marion's children one morning a week for a couple of hours. She was a busy stay-at-home mother and homemaker by choice, but craved a little window of time just for herself. I was happy to oblige, as she lived in a cute duplex on the Presidio army base, and had a real backyard. We were in the middle of our apartment-dwelling years, and a morning for my little daughter in the sunshine and turtle-shaped sandbox, with two darling friends, was such a luxury.

There was another big draw to Marion's home for me: she had a medium-sized round table off to the side of her little living room, which was covered in a beautiful, floor-length tablecloth, and if I remember correctly, a round glass top. This table was Marion's collecting spot for everything she came across that was interesting: mounds of books, articles ripped from magazines, recipes to try, gorgeous photos, lists of things to do in the city, and letters she had received from friends ... an absolute delicious piling of inspiration.

Often when I would arrive at Marion's to babysit, she would throw open the front screen door, pull me into her home and up to the table with words like, "I just have to show you what I found...!" or "I saw this in a magazine and cut it out just for you!" We would stand and rifle through her week's discoveries and I would literally salivate. This was one fascinating, intelligent, creative woman.

Marion's table held one other mysteriously wonderful thing: a three-ring binder which she called her "life's creed". Within those covers held the best-of-the-best from her years of combing through resources and from her voracious reading. She had collected in that one place her most cherished snippings and personal writings that defined who she was, and who she wanted to become.

I never got to see what that binder held, but I have never forgotten Marion's idea of having a life's creed.

Years later, I was reading Alexandra Stoddard's book called "Choosing Happiness" (2002, HarperCollins Publishers), and I came across a little exercise that reminded me of Marion's deliberate sifting and extracting of things that spoke to her soul. In Alexandra's words:

"I have often invited my audiences to write down their (twenty) defining words. What began as a fun exercise eventually led to a huge body of research. I now have collected thousands of examples. By staying mindful of what we love, of what we cherish and hold dear, we can cultivate our words in tangible ways, watering the seeds of our consciousness with every step we take, every thought we have, in all the wonderfully creative ways we express our love of life.

"I urge you to write down your (twenty) defining words. It's a happy exercise that is extremely revealing. I've shown you mine. Now it is your turn to write yours down. Light a candle, sit in a favorite spot, and let your intuition identify "Who am I?" "

This is an exercise that I have played with over the years, and which can change even from day to day as life takes different twists and turns. Above, you can see my current 20 defining words, pinned to the ribbon board that hangs next to my side of the bed. I will switch the words around and even add or subtract words as the mood strikes me. The point is to have "my words" greet me each morning, reminding me what my life's focus is.

Below are five of those 20 words that I have pinned seperately for this week. These are things that I am specifically focusing on as the most important, right now:

Alexandra also suggests choosing one of your words, and then coming up with a quick stream-of-consciousness brainstorm list of 20 words that better define that word for you.

For example, her word is "home", and she quickly jotted the following: "love, hearth, private, cheerful, pretty, friends, intimate, flowers, happy, children, tenderness, sweet, sacred, grounded, sensuous, welcoming, colorful, beautiful, comfortable, family, light, friendly, art, collections, changing" (pages 40-41).

What would be included in your twenty defining words? As Alexandra suggests, find a quiet place, grab a pen and notebook, add a bit of soft, instrumental music and perhaps the glow of a candle, and write!!

Open My Eyes and SEE

I set out on my first real walk in months (more about that later) this morning. As an afterthought, I grabbed my little camera, just in case I came across something inspiring along my five-mile route. Boy, did I. Check this out:

I have seen this woman walking ALL OVER town for years and years. My friends and I actually talk about her and the places we have seen her power-walking: along the country roads, down the highway, in-town, in blistering heat or in snow flurries or in a torrential downpour. No matter, she is OUT THERE. But I'd never been this close to our pretty-much-local-celebrity until today. Here's what happened:

As I was walking with my Doodle down the trail that is parallel to the highway, I first spied her trademark purple running shorts then her characteristically-tight swivel-walk coming toward me. I think I quickly glanced heavenward and said "thank you", knowing for sure that Heavenly Father HAD hand-picked something super-duper inspirational just for me today.

As we approached one another, we made eye contact and I was just WISHING for an excuse to stop this amazing woman and talk to her. Imagine my surprise when she smiled, stopped, glanced at her watch, and started small-talking to ME.

She: "Isn't it a perfect morning to be out walking?" (with a big, huge smile on her face)

I: "Oh, it is, and IknowthissoundsweirdbutwouldtherebeanywayIcouldsnapyourpicture?Youhavebeensoinspiringtomeforsomanyyears...?!"

She: (chuckle) "Sure!"

And so I did indeed snap her photo -- and the Doodle's, but I hadn't even noticed him in the frame. Then I started firing questions at her. Here is what I learned:

*Her name is Diana.
*She walks five days a week. Every week.
*She especially loves to walk in the rain, and never lets weather of any kind stop her.
*Today she is walking 20 miles because she is training for the speed-walking division of the Portland Marathon. (Her third marathon.)
*Her husband dropped her off, will go get coffee and run errands, go home and work in the yard, then see her in a few hours.
*Her husband likes to walk on the treadmill. ("Can you believe it? I love the fresh air!")
*She likes this particular route because there are lots of places to take water breaks.
*She started power-walking when she was 40. (My guess is that she is now 80+)
*She carries something in a little zipped pouch attached to her shoelaces. (keys? money? treats?!)
*She has a can of mace strapped next to the bandana at her waist.
*Her visor keeps the rain and sun off her face.
*She wears lipstick when she walks. (How much do I LOVE this??)
*She has a day's water in her backpack.

Diana is a rockstar. Seriously.

Which leads me to THIS sign that I passed this morning, just minutes before I met her:

Yep, I'm telling you, when I open my eyes and actually see, God has placed inspiration all around me. No excuses!

Oh, May I?

My mother takes one trip a year. She visits her sister in San Diego for the week of her birthday, and it is one of her life's highlights. She plans and prepares carefully for those delightful days in the southern California sunshine. This year, with temperatures on the rise here in Seattle, she had arranged for her neighbor to water her lawn and flowers daily while she was gone.

I was surprised when she called me a few days into her trip, and after telling me what a wonderful time she was having, asked me to drive up to her house, check on her yard, and spend some time giving it an extra watering. To my discredit, the thoughts that immediately came started with such phrases as "Why didn't you...", "I don't have...", and "This is so...".

The drive to her home from mine is thirty minutes each way, and I had a busy afternoon scheduled. But I gritted my teeth, told Mom "of course", and then grumbled out the door and most of the way up the highway. Somehow, though, the Spirit was able to shimmy a two-word message in between my free-flowing gripes:

"Remember Connie."

Remember Connie? My mind raced back to a phone conversation I had had with my friend Connie nearly twenty years ago, one that had been long-since filed away in the dusty annals of my brain. You see, I was a young mother and had somewhere important to be one morning. I had called Connie to see if I might be able to drop my little four year-old off at her home for a couple of hours. I hated to ask last minute, but no sooner did I do so, Connie quickly jumped in:

"YES! Thank you! I would love to have her today."

I breathed a hugh sigh, and then realized what she had said. "Thank you?", I questioned.

She explained: "I wanted to be of service to someone today, and now here you are calling! Thanks for giving me the opportunity!"

Silence. My lips may have mouthed the word "wow". Then profuse thanks by me, a happy two hours for my daughter with other children and a coveted dress-up collection, then life moved on and I quickly forgot the lesson Connie taught me. Until four days ago.

Heavenly Father doesn't usually check our calendars for our availability when He asks us to help another. If fact, if anything, I'm betting He sends us a prompting at the most inconvenient time, to test our willingness to make good on the prayers we routinely offer: "help me heed the Spirit's promptings today" or "may I know when I might make a difference for someone" or "please give me the opportunity to serve".

When we purport to be willing, and even covenant to be so, we must be ever-ready to go with haste when called upon. This can be frustrating and difficult, but perhaps it is much of the true essence of living a Christlike life.

Many years ago, I read a poem written by Carol Lynn Pearson that my spirit continues to remember when I need its message. It is called "The Forgiving" and is about forgiveness, but I think it also applies perfectly to the proper mindset we must strive to have if we are to be of the most help to our Father.

The words are simple, but the cadence is irregular and the rhyme sporadic. Read it slowly, then try reading it again. Absorb the message and let it change you, the way it has me:

Forgive?
Will I forgive,
You cry.
But
What is the gift,
The favor?
You would lift
Me from
My poor place
To stand beside
The Savior.
You would have
Me see with
His eyes,
Smile,
And with Him
Reach out to
Salve
A sorrowing heart --
For one small
Moment
To share in
Christ's great art.
Will I forgive,
You cry.
Oh,
May I --
May I?

Did you feel that? I shed a couple of tears every time I read this poem, and even typing it just now had to stop to grab a Kleenex. Such profound doctrine, such new meaning to everyday "ordinary" opportunities, and such a caution for scheduling ourselves too rigidly.

I would like to be known as someone who practices what she preaches, who walks the talk. I would like to be more like Connie when faced with a chance to help another, by saying "thank you!" and then inwardly pleading "Oh, may I?"